


Icarus (Flew Too Close To The Sun)

by misakikinomoto



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Future Fic, Happy Ending, I apparently can't write happy things, Its set in canon but involves none of the canon, M/M, Musician Semi Eita, Mutual Pining, So have fun, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:40:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24212272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misakikinomoto/pseuds/misakikinomoto
Summary: If Shirabu was honest with himself, he would accept that maybe this had been a long time coming.But that was the problem.The one thing Shirabu was bad at was being honest with himself.
Relationships: Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou
Comments: 14
Kudos: 181





	Icarus (Flew Too Close To The Sun)

**Author's Note:**

> I....I wanted to write and I wrote this in a day, instead of working on my research and actual class work. So, this is my first submission to the Haikyuu fandom, I hope you like it.
> 
> Also in other news, I have realized I struggle with writing smut, and apparently, instead of writing it, I end up just making everything sad. So. Have fun with that too. I was going to keep the rating as mature, but I erred on the side of caution and just but Explicit just in case.
> 
> I'm working on other Haikyuu fic, but it's gonna take a long time, I guess, because with RL stuff, I'm pretty slow. I do hope you like it and if you do, please do leave a kudos and a comment!

Shirabu sighed, wondering what had overcome him when he decided to join the same university as Tendou. Tendou Satori had chosen to study Literature in University which was honestly beyond Shirabu, whose worst subject had always been Japanese Literature.

“Ken-chan!” whined Tendou, trying to keep his attention.

“Don’t call me that.”

“But Shirabuuuuu,” Tendou continued to whine. “You have to come! Reon is coming too! It’s just a night out, you don’t even have homework due!”

“How do you even know that?” asked Shirabu, even though he knew better than to entertain this.

“I asked your friends!” said Tendou, grinning. “So there’s no getting out of it.”

While Tendou often invited Shirabu to their weekend outings, Shirabu rarely agreed. Sometimes, he would have lunch with Reon or Tendou, but for the most part, he never participated in their evening plans. It was usually easy to just make excuses given that he was studying medicine, but the truth was that it was to avoid  _ him _ .

Semi Eita, the bane of his existence, ever since Shirabu had joined Shiratorizawa. Despite being in the same city and having the exact same circle of friends, Shirabu had managed to avoid him, and now, in his 3rd year of university, he had managed to avoid him for over 2 years.

Surely, by now, the guy would have grown up and would leave Shirabu alone.

“Fine,” said Shirabu, with a sigh. “Fine I’ll join.”

“Great!” crowed Tendou, picking up his books from the table. “I’ll pick you up!”

“Worried I’ll escape?”

“Of course.”

Shirabu had to accept that Tendou wasn’t wrong to suspect that, given that Shirabu had already been wondering how he could get out of this at the last minute.

* * *

Shirabu had dressed casually for the party, in a plain shirt and a denim jacket. From the look on Tendou’s face, he was disappointed at the outfit, but he wasn’t about to take fashion advice from a man who was willingly dressed in a Naruto graphic tee.

Reon smiled at him when they met outside the bar, and Shirabu was surprised to see Ushijima with him as well.

“Ah, Ushijima-san. Congrats on your recent win,” said Shirabu, and Ushijima’s expression softened slightly and nodded in thanks.

“Tendou told me you’re the top of your class. It’s good that you’re working hard,” said Ushijima, and Shirabu was mildly embarrassed to find that even now, a compliment from Ushijima could warm him up.

“Are you excited?” asked Reon, smiling at Shirabu, who was slightly confused.

“For what?”

Reon stared at Shirabu before glaring at Tendou, who shrugged.

“What? He wouldn’t have come otherwise.”

Shirabu felt a sense of dread.

“Tendou-senpai. What have you done.”

“We’re here to support Eita,” said Ushijima, clearly not reading the room. “I’m sure you’ve seen his shows before.”

Shirabu cleared his throat slightly, refusing to make eye contact with Reon’s knowing look or Tendou’s gleeful one.

“Not really, no.”

“Hmm. I suppose as a medical student you don’t have a lot of time. Semi will be glad you’ve come this time, then,” said Ushijima, not really understanding why Reon and Tendou were chuckling.

After all, why would he? Ushijima had a tendency to hyper focus on volleyball- it was how he had gotten the nickname “Super Volleyball Idiot”- and often didn’t seem to notice interpersonal issues the team was dealing with unless it was brought on the court. It was probably because he usually left that to Semi, who was usually good at sorting issues out, but when Semi was the one losing his cool (as was always the case when Shirabu was involved) Reon would have to get involved.

Shirabu wondered what he had done in his previous life to deserve this. He didn’t even know that Semi was a musician, though he was sure Tendou must have mentioned it some time. Shirabu had a tendency to stop listening when Semi was the topic on hand.

The problem was this.

From the very beginning, Shirabu and Semi had not gotten along, their style of setting being completely different. The older setter’s disapproval of his style had gotten under his skin like nothing else had, and Shirabu had reacted in the only way he knew how- he lashed out or he gave the older male attitude. He snarked back, or ignored him, trying to show that he simply didn’t care for Semi’s opinions, which only really made it worse.

Semi, by nature, was a man with a heart of gold. He was always helpful, he took care of the juniors as well as the boys in his own year. He helped out with homework, made sure everyone got home after practice sessions that had run over time. Shirabu had seen the man helping old men and women across the street, carrying groceries for someone or the other.

It got on Shirabu’s nerves, because that kindness had never been turned to him. It was as if all of Semi’s annoyance and frustrations had only one outlet. 

So no, he was sure that Semi Eita was not going to be happy to see him.

If anything, it was probably going to piss the man off.

* * *

The club was crowded, but Shirabu stuck between Ushijima and Reon, whose broad shoulders made it easy for him to glide through the crowd with ease.

“SemiSemi!” yelled Tendou, and Shirabu tensed.

“For fuck’s sake, Satori, I’ve told you not to call me that!”

Tendour grinned, draping himself on the man, and Ushijima moved so that Shirabu was in Semi’s sight.

Semi stared at Shirabu for a moment, blinking once, twice, before his eyes widened.

“Shirabu?”

“Semi-san,” said Shirabu, drily. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Tendou invited me,” said Shirabu, his eyes clearly telling Semi that this line of questioning was the stupidest line of questioning he had heard.

“Of course he did,” said Semi, glancing at a slightly gleeful Tendou. “Anyway, nice to see you guys. Grab a drink, and you can take the booth over there. You’ll have a good view of the stage.”

With a last, curious glance at Shirabu, Semi left them to go to the stage.

“Aw,” Tendou said. “That was boring!”

“Did you expect more?” asked Shirabu. “I don’t really understand why.”

They took their seat, Ushijima going into the crowd to get them drinks.

“Well,” said Reon, ruffling Shirabu’s hair a little. “You and Semi have always had a strange relationship. Sparks fly, right?”

“I wouldn’t say that,” said Shirabu, but his pout gave him away. It was exactly like that. A part of him was dissatisfied with the fact that Semi hadn’t reacted properly to Shirabu’s presence. It was annoying that he no longer affected the man. 

Around them the music seemed to be softening, Starboy by The Weekend playing, as Semi and his band went up on stage. One of the members seemed to be dancing to the music as they went up, Semi giving him a dry unimpressed look, even though the man’s antics were getting the attention of the ladies of the room.

Ushijima made his way to their table, handing them their beers before taking his seat next to Tendou. Shirabu sipped his beer, eyes glued on the stage where the man that was dancing had pulled Semi into his antics, Semi mouthing the words (probably singing it) as they danced. Suddenly, Semi’s eyes latched onto Shirabu, continuing to dance and mouth the words with a small smirk on his face. 

It was a challenge.

Shirabu scowled, drinking from his bottle, glaring at the man on the stage.

“Oh my god, already?” mumbled Reon next to him.

Semi looked exactly like he had in high school, except maybe his shoulders were a little broader, like he had grown into himself a little. He seemed to have the same physique as well, if not a little more muscular, which was surprising given that Shirabu knew that the man had given up volleyball. Dressed in his leather jacket and torn jeans, he had the bad boy look down.

Finally, the place was silent as the band did their sound check.

“Hey guys, hope you’re all having a good evening!” Semi said into the mike. “We’re just going to do a test song, and then we’ll move on to the actual set!”

“Hey, isn’t that Semi’s ex?” asked Reon, and Shirabu tore his eyes from Semi to look at where Reon was subtly pointing. There was a man at the bar, his eyes on Semi, sipping on his drink. He was pretty good looking, brown tousled hair and brown eyes.

“Yeah,” said Tendou, snarling slightly. “What an asshole.”

Shirabu tilted his head slightly, confused.

“He cheated on Semi,” said Tendou, with a scowl. “Strung him along. What the fuck is he doing here?”

Shirabu glared at the man till Semi started playing. He didn’t understand why anyone would cheat on Semi Eita when they had his attention.

“I think he has this covered,” said Ushijima with a small smile when Semi played the first very chords of the song.

_ I wake up every evening/ With a big smile on my face / And it never feels out of place _

Shirabu snorted, gaining a glance from Tendou, who just smiled at him. Shirabu couldn’t help it, it seemed like such a Semi way of dealing with something. Watching Semi play the song and sing into the mike under the harsh light, Shirabu couldn’t deny that he found the man up there attractive. 

But nothing good could come from that, nothing good would come out of focusing on Semi Eita again, from wanting his attention. 

And so Shirabu turned his attention subtly to Semi’s ex. He could see that the man’s posture had turned tense, glaring at Semi. He could see that Semi was looking straight at him, a coy smirk on his face as he sang,  _ You can take back your memories / They're no good to me. _

Reon started singing with the rest of the bar, and Shirabu joined in. 

_ When you see my face / Hope it gives you hell / Hope it gives you hell _

Tendou draped his arm around Ushijima and Reon, singing loudly, and even Ushijima sang with them.

Shirabu drank the rest of his beer as the song ended, resolutely not looking at the stage.

Tendou leaned forward with a smirk.

“Are you enjoying yourself?”

“Shut up,” mumbled Shirabu, glaring at him.

“Tendou, leave him alone,” Ushijima said, but his eyes were focused on Shirabu like he saw right through Shirabu. 

“Look like his ex left,” said Reon, taking the attention off of Shirabu. For a moment, Shirabu thanked his stars for Reon, but that was immediately replaced with annoyance. “I suppose Shirabu’s glaring worked.”

“Aw, so protective!” said Tendou, cackling at how Shirabu’s ears turned red.

“Shut up!”

Ushijima chuckled softly, looking at Shirabu.

“It’s okay to care, Shirabu. We won’t tell.”

“Speak for yourself!” said Tendou. 

“We won’t tell,” Ushijima said again, looking at Tendou with a hard stare, making him sulk.

“Do they usually do covers?” asked Shirabu, desperately trying to get the attention off of him.

“Not always. Today’s just covers but sometimes they have original songs mixed in. I don’t think they’re doing that now,” 

“Alright!” said Semi, from the stage. “Looks like everything is set! Well, everyone! My friends brought me a little surprise today!”

Shirabu stiffened slightly.

“There’s a brat I knew from high school who has managed to somehow avoid me for 2 years even though he’s been invited to all my gigs,” said Semi, smirking right at Shirabu. “Well, better late than never, I suppose. He couldn’t hide, scared, forever.”

“Excuse me?” hissed Shirabu, angrily.

“Oh my god, he is a literal child,” groaned Reon. “What the hell.”

“You better not run away before I find you,  _ Kenjirou _ ,” drawled Semi, and Shirabu’s eyes widened at the use of his name, blushing brightly.

“Literally, this could have been a private performance,” mumbled Tendou, with a snort. “What a peacock.”

Semi smirked, his eyes bright on the stage.

Shirabu simply couldn’t look away.

* * *

Shirabu watched the rest of the set, ignoring how the others went into the crowd to dance. He sipped on the drink Ushijima had gotten them all before heading into the crowd with Tendou. It was stronger than the beer, strong enough that he could easily taste more rum than coke. Lost in his own thoughts, Shirabu didn’t even notice that the set had ended and the DJ had started again.

“Ah, Shirabu,” Semi said, gliding into the seat next to him. “I thought you would have run by now.”

“I’m not scared of you.”

“Aren’t you?” Semi said, smirking slightly as he leaned forward. “It’s been two years, Shirabu.”

“I’ve been busy. Medicine is hard.”

“Nothing can be too difficult for Shirabu,” said Semi, with a soft snort. Shirabu glanced at him, surprised at the indirect compliment. “You could have come at some point. Why else would you avoid me for two years?”

Shirabu didn’t say anything for a moment, and then downed the rest of his drink.

“Hey!” said Semi. “Careful, I don’t want you too drunk, where the fuck is Tendou, is he dropping you home.”

“I can handle a drink,  _ Eita _ ,” snarled Shirabu, glaring at Semi, who looked surprised at the use of his name, before his eyes darkened slightly.

“Hmm. Don’t think I didn’t notice you avoiding the question,  _ Kenjirou. _ ”

Shirabu glared a little more, before looking away.

“I promised you I’d lead the team to victory,” said Shirabu, softly. “I didn’t keep that promise.”

Next to him, he heard Semi’s sudden intake of breath.

“Shirabu,” Semi said, gently, too gently. Shirabu knew he had to get away quickly, he couldn’t get caught in the orbit of Semi Eita, because it would be too damn difficult to get away if he did.

“Anyway, I waited long enough,” said Shirabu, moving to get up. “I’ll head out.”

“Shirabu,” said Semi, blocking his way. “Dance with me.”

Staring up a little at Semi, Shirabu felt his heart skip a beat. It was so unfair that Semi had gotten more attractive than he needed to, that even now, this man could pull him in the way he could.

“I...I don’t think that’s a good idea,” said Shirabu. “I should leave now, before we get into a fight.”

“We won’t.”

“When have we ever managed to not get into one, Semi- _ san _ ?” Shirabu asked, stressing on the honorific in the way he knew Semi hated, and he tried to push through.

“One dance, Kenjirou. One dance, and then you can walk through those doors and never come back. I’ll leave you alone. Just like you want,” said Semi.

Oh, how Shirabu wished he could explain how that was the last thing he wanted, but he knew this was for the best, he needed to keep Semi out of his life.

“Fine,” said Shirabu, leaving his denim jacket behind so he wouldn’t get too hot. Semi smirked slightly, slipping off his jacket as well, and Shirabu was temporarily distracted by Semi’s arms, his tank top hiding none of the tight, sinewy muscles. Shirabu let Semi guide him into the crowd.

“Tendou and Ushijima will take a while anyway, and I think Reon’s a bit busy. He’s been making eyes at my bass guitarist.”

“Hn.”

“Have you gone dancing before?” asked Semi, pulling Shirabu closer to him. Shirabu nodded, turning around so that he didn’t have to look at Semi, though this also meant that Shirabu’s back was pressed neatly into Semi.

They danced a little, moving to the music as Shirabu got the hang of Semi’s movements, not objecting to the hand that slipped across his stomach to pull him closer.

“This okay?” asked Semi, his lips brushing against Shirabu’s ear. It was intoxicating, having Semi’s full focus, having it be something vaguely positive for once. Shirabu nodded, hesitantly reaching up so his fingers settled against Semi’s neck. Semi hummed gently into Shirabu’s ear, pressing a little closer.

At this point, the two of them were, for all purposes, grinding gently against each other. Shirabu didn’t even notice when the song changed,too focused on the feeling of Semi against his back.

“Tell me to stop,” murmured Semi, biting Shirabu’s ear. It was sudden enough that Shirabu let out a startle whine, and Semi pulled Shirabu’s hips closer to his own. “Oh, what was that noise, baby?”

“Sh-shut up,” grumbled Shirabu, grinding his ass back against Semi, who groaned softly. The endearment sent a gentle tremble down Shirabu’s spine.

“Do this a lot, baby?” Semi asked, his thumb slipping under Shirabu’s shirt. “Go out, dance with random, faceless boys? Do they get to dance like this with you?”

“No,” whined Shirabu, leaning his head back against Semi’s shoulder so he could speak into Semi’s ear. “Just...Just some girls in my program. They like to make me dance with them.”

“Oh?” asked Semi, kissing Shirabu’s neck gently, pausing to see if Shirabu would stop him. “Is my pretty baby popular with the girls?”

“The gay best friend they’re always wanted,” Shirabu said, trying to get back control of the situation. He hadn’t meant to tell Semi that, but given that he had just seen Semi’s ex- _ boyfriend _ , he didn’t think it would be an issue.

“Tell me to stop, baby?” Semi said, sucking at the juncture of Shirabu’s neck and shoulder, hard enough that Shirabu knew he would have marks. “Tell me to stop and I will.”

“And if I don’t?” asked Shirabu, knowing this was a bad idea. This would break him, would break his carefully structured world into two, would shatter his heart, would undo all the efforts Shirabu had put into protecting his soft, gentle heart from Semi’s even gentler hands.

“Fuck,” Semi moaned. “Fuck, Shirabu, is this okay? Can I have you like this? Even if it’s for the night?”

The last words were like a splash of cold water to Shirabu, sobering him a little, but he had gotten this far, and he wouldn’t pull back now. He wouldn’t, he couldn’t. 

He was going to do this, even if it broke him.

“Yes, yes,” Shirabu said, turning fully to Semi, pressing his mouth against Semi’s ear. “I’ll let you have me,  _ Eita _ .”

Shirabu could feel the shiver that went down Semi’s body, could hear the soft “ _ fuck”  _ that escaped his lips.

“I’ll take good care of you baby. Is my place okay?”

Shirabu nodded. Part of him had expected Semi to just take him in the bathroom stall, and he was grateful that, if nothing else, Semi liked him enough to take him home with him.

* * *

They grabbed their jackets, and Shirabu paused for a moment, before texting Ushijima, because he refused to text Tendou right now, who was the cause of all his problems. When they got outside, Semi turned to him.

“Shirabu,” said Semi, “Can I kiss you?” 

Shirabu had never seen that desperation in Semi’s eyes, even when they were fighting, even when they were competing to be the better setter.

Shirabu reached up, like he had always wished he had, back before Semi and Tendou and Ushijima and Reon had graduated, back when he could have fixed everything. He reached up and pulled Semi’s head towards his own, pressing his lips against his gently.

He couldn’t control his feelings around Semi, but right now, it felt like Shirabu was the one with the control, he was the one who decided what happened and what didn’t.

Semi sighed softly once their lips met, gently kissing back. Part of Shirabu was confused by the gentleness because this was just a one night stand, so why was Semi being so gentle with him? Another part of Shirabu felt like it was to be expected, because Semi usually approached people with gentleness, it was just that Shirabu had never been important enough to him for that gentleness to be given to him. Perhaps  _ that  _ was the actual reason why Shirabu was surprised.

“My place isn’t far,” said Semi, pressing back against Shirabu. “A five minute walk.”

“Well, if we stand here all night, that five minute walk will never happen,” said Shirabu drily, making Semi chuckle, though he didn’t make eye contact with Shirabu. Something heavy settled in Shirabu’s gut.

He followed Semi to the apartment, and with each step, his gut felt heavier. Part of him was screaming for him to back out now, because if he didn’t, he was going to hurt for so long, this would break him. But if he didn’t, he would regret it for the rest of his life.

He was damned either way.

Semi’s apartment was really nice for a college student, and Shirabu awkwardly mentioned it.

“Ah yeah, we get paid for some of the gigs we pay and I do a couple part time jobs to pay the bills and for the band stuff as well,” said Semi pulling off his jacket. “I work as a bartender at a bar as well.”

Shirabu nodded. He wasn’t working part time mainly because his course load was incredibly heavy and he simply didn’t have a lot of free time. Outings like this were incredibly rare for him.

They paused for a moment, staring at each other. Suddenly, now that they were in the apartment, everything felt more real, like this was a turning point. Shirabu knew that, while it may not be like that for Semi, while Shirabu was probably just another notch on his bedpost, for Shirabu, who never did one night stands, this was going to hurt.

“Do you, um, want something to drink? Water? Coffee?” asked Semi, awkwardly. 

Shirabu finally made eye contact with Semi, and he watched him for a long moment before moving forward, gently taking Semi’s face in his hands, and kissing him.

If this was the only night that Shirabu was going to get, he was going to make sure that it was one that Semi would remember.

_ Remember me _ . Shirabu thought, as Semi picked him up and carried him to the bedroom, lips still connected, Shirabu’s fingers in Semi’s hair. 

_ Remember me.  _ Shirabu thought, as Semi bit down on his neck, where Shirabu knew his marks would remain for weeks.

_ Remember me.  _ Shirabu thought, as Semi left marks down his thighs.

_ Remember me.  _ Shirabu thought, as Semi opened him up, eyes shiny and hazy.

_ Remember me, Semi Eita.  _ Shirabu begged, as Semi entered him and started to thrust.

_ Remember me, Eita.  _ Shirabu cried in his mind, the last thought before he climaxed.  _ Because I am never going to be able to forget you. _

* * *

Shirabu had always been an early riser. This was the first time he had thanked himself for this habit, because it meant that he could get dressed and leave the apartment before Semi was up. Shirabu hadn’t meant to stay the night, but Semi had pulled him closer and whispered  _ Stay _ in his ears, and Shirabu hadn’t been able to say no.

Not when Shirabu had not yet been able to pull back together his shattered heart, not when he had not yet managed to pull his protective shields back up, not when he wasn’t yet ready to look at Semi and lie to himself that this man was not what he wanted.

As he made the walk of shame, slipping into the empty early morning train back to his own apartment, Shirabu let himself think.

It was early enough in the day that it felt like the night hadn’t ended yet, and early mornings were always a great time to think deeper thoughts, the type that were a little too honest and always a little too sharp.

Shirabu had known, even back when he was still in Shiratorizawa, that Semi Eita was the kind of man he simply couldn’t look away from. He hadn’t realized it till it was too late, had only realized how deep his desire for Semi’s attention went when he had already gone out of his way to aggravate the boy. By then, Shirabu knew that a plain boy like him, one that didn’t shine on or off the court, could never hold the attention of someone with the talent and kind heart of Semi Eita.

And so Shirabu lied. He lied to himself long enough that pushing Semi away had become a habit, a quick defense, an easy out. Sometimes Shirabu felt like Ushijima knew. He didn’t know how, because Ushijima couldn’t have possibly noticed the interpersonal woes of second years like himself, but the way Ushijima had looked at him in the bar the previous night made him remember.

Ushijima often wore that expression when Semi and Shirabu had just finished fighting. At first, Shirabu hadn’t noticed, because to know the changes in Ushijima’s facial expressions, you really needed to focus. But after a year of playing with him, Shirabu realized that this face was one he made only when Semi and Shirabu fought. 

At the time, Shirabu had felt like it was an expression of disappointment, and he definitely didn’t want to disappoint the man he so ardently admired, the man he had come to this school to play with. And so Shirabu tried another tactic. He started being extra polite to Semi, which often had the exact same effect as fighting with Semi, but Ushijima’s expression stayed.

He still wasn’t sure why Ushijima looked at him like that, but he knew that the other man could tell. Shirabu knew that Ushijima could tell he was lying. 

Shirabu had lied to himself for so long, he wondered, for a moment, in that empty train, what it would feel like to accept it.

“I love him,” whispered Shirabu. “I love Semi Eita. So so much.”

And with that, Shirabu burst into silent tears, his whole body shaking with his sobs.

* * *

Shirabu spent the next few days drowning himself in work and avoiding Tendou with a viciousness that made him realize that he had, at some level, genuinely enjoyed the older man’s presence. He knew that if Tendou Satori looked at him, he would know that Shirabu had slept with Semi- if the man didn’t know already.

It was hard, because he had grown accustomed to his usual schedule and was now going out of his way to avoid everyone that knew Semi. Instead, he spent his time in his room- working on his homework, studying for exams that were weeks away and sleeping. Sometimes, in the moments before he slept, he would stare at his ceiling and try to put himself together again. 

When he had decided to join Shiratorizawa, he had sworn to himself that he would become the kind of setter that never shined. Somehow, along the way, he had made it so that  _ he _ didn’t as well. 

Perhaps the lies had started from there, perhaps the willful ignorance of his own heart and desires had started then.

One week after the party, he got a message from Ushijima. It wasn’t that Ushijima never texted- it was just that it was a rare enough occurrence that it was still surprising.

_ Ushijima: _

_ Shirabu, are you busy. _

_ Shirabu: _

_ Of course, Ushijima-san. What’s wrong? _

_ Ushijima: _

_ I need someone to practice with, Kageyama is busy today.  _

_ Shirabu: _

_ Are you sure? I haven’t played since I left high school. _

_ Ushijima: _

_ I’m sure it will be fine. If you’re not busy, I’ll send you the address. _

_ Shirabu: _

_ Of course. I’ll come soon. _

Shirabu leapt up to get dressed. His small crush on Ushijima had been just that- a small crush. It had morphed into quiet respect and fascination over time, as his heart focused on someone else. But Ushijima, in Shirabu’s mind, also stood for his ability to be strong and hold himself together- be it with lies or truths. 

Perhaps, by setting for Ushijima again, Shirabu would remember what it was like to be able to pull himself together and into himself. That was what he needed, he needed that, to protect what was left of his shattered heart.

The ride to the gymnasium was a short one, Shirabu pulling on his hoodie a little. It had been a while since he had set for anyone, so it was going to feel a bit odd, and probably a little like going home.

When he entered the gymnasium, he couldn’t see Ushijima anywhere.

“Ushijima-san?” Shirabu called out, slightly confused.

Just then, Shirabu’s phone beeped.

_ Ushijima: _

_ I’m sorry, Shirabu, Tendou took my phone.  _

Shirabu felt ice settle into his chest, tears immediately springing into his eyes, and he turned, knowing fully well what- or rather who- he would see there.

“Shirabu,” Semi said, his eyes wide, breathing heavily, as though he had run here. “Shirabu, why are you crying?”

“I’m not,” said Shirabu, looking away. “What do you want?”

“Shirabu,” said Semi, his voice hardening. And Shirabu tensed, waiting for it, knowing what was coming. “You left my house without waking me up, like you were ashamed, like I meant nothing. I know you don’t particularly like me, but I was hoping you would at least let me take you for breakfast, maybe sort things out.”

“There’s nothing to sort out. I’m fine.”

“Really?” asked Semi, stepping closer. “Because the Shirabu I know wouldn’t run away like he was scared.”

“The Shirabu you _ knew _ ,” snarled Shirabu, finally looking up, glaring at Semi. “Was  _ always _ fucking scared, but refused to let it show.”

Semi stepped closer, his hostility falling away to panic. Shirabu had tears streaming down his face.

“Shirabu, no, no,” whispered Semi. “Don’t cry, please.”

“Don’t come near me!” snapped Shirabu, “You’ve already done enough damage!”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Was it not enough to have me under you?” yelled Shirabu.

“What the fuck, Shirabu, that-”

“ _ Was it not enough that you tore me apart and broke my heart?” _ Shirabu continued. “Was it not enough to have me like that, willingly, giving you my heart, my soul, ripping apart the protective layers I put around me over the years when it came to you? Was it not enough that I was willing to take that one night, even if it broke me, _ knowing fully well it was all you were willing to give me _ ?”

Shirabu panted, rubbing at his eyes angrily. Angry at himself, angry at Tendou, angry at Semi, angry at Ushijima.

Mostly angry with himself.

He had known better. He had known not to fly too close to the sun, and here he was, wax all melted away, falling from the sky. 

Shirabu turned away from Semi, clutching at his chest. Maybe...maybe this was good. After all, if Semi fully crushed him, then Shirabu could just learn how to walk again, learn how to be whole again, like he wasn’t missing a large part of him. He turned to Semi, hoping, praying, that he would finish this. That Semi Eita would end this heartache of over four years.

Instead, he turned to see Semi crying. Not silent tears but outright sobs, ugly crying- though Shirabu didn’t think Semi could ever truly be ugly, and if that wasn’t a sign of how ridiculously besotted he was with this man, nothing was.

“Semi?” Shirabu said, stepping forward, confused. Why was Semi crying when Shirabu was getting his heart broken? Was this his stupid heart of gold hurting for Shirabu? Was he going to do something stupid and say he would try to date Shirabu to see where it went?

But no, Semi Eita had never been kind when it came to Shirabu, and Shirabu knew that. 

So then why in the world was Semi crying?

Shirabu reached up trying to wipe the tears away. He had never wanted Semi to cry, why was he crying?

“You idiot!” yelled Semi, grabbing Shirabu, shaking him slightly. “Why are you so dumb!?”

“What the hell? You’re the one who is dumb, why are you shaking me, aren’t you supposed to reject confessions kindly? Do I not even get that?”

“Of course not!” Semi yelled back. Shirabu felt something in him crack and he tried to pull away but Semi had already latched on to him. “Why the hell would I be rejecting you when I’ve been in love with you since I saw you on that damn volleyball court?”

“What.”

“Well, no. I was infatuated, of course, but I fell in love after we played Karasuno in my last year.”

“What.”

“Did I break you?”

“Why the hell are you crying then?” yelled Shirabu.

“They’re happy tears!”

“Are you telling me we could have been dating since your 3rd year? Why the hell didn’t you use your damn words?”

“Why are we still yelling?” asked Semi, and Shirabu paused. He wasn’t actually sure either, he was just frustrated. “And you could have said something as well!”

“Of course I couldn’t! There was no way you liked me, with how you acted! You were nice to literally everyone, but I was like the one person you refused to be nice to!”

“You refused to let me be nice to you! I tried to give you stuff for an entire quarter!”

“You tried to mother me! You mother everyone!”

“Then what the hell did you want!?”

“I wanted to be special!”

“Hey,” came a voice from their left and both of them turned to see Kageyama standing there, a tetra pak of milk in his hand. “It’s great that you’ve both gotten your shit together, but you’re kind of in the way. I’ve booked the court. Could you guys leave?”

“Kageyama?”

“Hi Shirabu,” said Kageyama, with a nod. “Ushijima-san mentioned the two of you once.”

“What?”

“So could you leave? I need to practice and bird boy is supposed to be coming soon.”

“Bird boy?” asked Semi, confused.

“Hoshiumi,” rectified Kageyama, his face showing nothing, but Shirabu could tell, from the slight glint in his eyes, that the boy was amused.

That was when Semi grabbed Shirabu’s hand and dragged him out, pulling him till they reached a small alley way.

“Shirabu Kenjirou,” said Semi, and Shirabu stared up at him, surprised, confused, and hopefully. “I love you. I have loved you for what feels like forever, and no distance or time away from you has helped. Please. Be mine. In whatever way you want and can. But be mine.”

And that was where Shirabu Kenjirou’s heart mended itself, stitching itself back up as he leaned up to press his lips against Semi Eita’s.

They would have to talk. Not talking was what got them in this mess, not talking was what caused them this pain. They would have to talk.

But they had time for that.

For the first time in forever, Shirabu felt like, when it came to Semi, he had time.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Please be kind, friends! Leave a kudos if you liked it, and I love comments and will always reply!


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